Is Love A Feeling? Or Is It A Choice?

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"I love you" you say. Why?
Can you come up with at least five or so reasons for that question easily? No? Then you do not love me. You love the idea of me. Perhaps you like how I look or how I make you feel. The attention I’m giving you. But that’s all about you, isn't it? That’s not about me. Nothing turns me off more than selfishness. You don’t know me, not really. You centered everything about you and not me at all. You see?

I can’t deal with selfish partner. I just can’t. I want a loving, giving, sweet, and confident one. Hopefully they still exist. It's said that no one is perfect, but some people are more selfish than others. I would hope to find someone who tips the scale in the right direction.This goes two ways I know. Absolutely.

The majority of people are largely mistaken on what true love really is. They think it’s a feeling. It’s not. They think obsessively thinking about that person all day long is love. Wrong. That’s infatuation. It’s fun, but it’s not love. This, when you're young or a teenager, won't make any sense to you at all. You will dismiss the idea that whatever you're feeling is a choice and insist that it's a feeling. You're dead wrong. I wish you know this earlier. 

What is love then? Love is pain. And a lot of sacrifice. However, it’s also the most beautiful thing in the world when it’s real and reciprocated.

The essence of love begins when infatuation ends. It's as simple as that.Who wants someone who only “loves” them because of how they look? No, thanks.
What about the way I laugh or the way I smile when I’m nervous? My stupid jokes. My ability to nurture my child? How my eyes sparkle when I feel super happy? Or the way I tear up when I'm at a funeral? You can’t love me if you don’t know me. If you don't know the things I'm embarrassed about, the weird things I do...I mean...everything about me.

You can't  be perfect for the person that loves you. They wouldn’t even like you perfect. Your flaws make you unique. You just give them the space and permission to be just as human. And anyone who thinks otherwise about you won't be capable of loving you. If all they can first say is "you're beautiful/handsome" Then they fucking don't love. Rather, they're attracted to your body appearance.

Yet some know there’s more there. But they don’t care to look. They don’t care to take the time. This is a real problem. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I am sure there are many people who only care about status, how their partner looks and what they can do for them. Self-serving love is not love. It’s selfishness. Its a tripod of passion, intimacy, and commitment. All these three are needed to have a lasting love.Relationship experts say that Infatuation is so strong that people often mistake it for love.

You make a choice. You don’t always feel love. Sometimes you wake up next to that person who’s disappointed you. Let you down in a big way perhaps. In that moment, do you think you feel absolute love for that person? You’re not. But it’s a choice. You choose to be kind. You choose to be sweet to them. You kiss them on the forehead sweetly and tell them good morning. Have breakfast with me. You put yourself aside. You give despite your hurt feelings. This, in turn, touches them, and then they will most likely feel like shit for being a brat to you and apologize and you both can go about your day loving each other. See? Selflessness is a precursor to love.

You bring them coffee when they’re sad. You surprise them with little presents that are unique to them or the two of you. You tickle them. You make them laugh. You cover for their weaknesses. This are signs of love.

For the person you are dating or in a relationship with, ask yourself some questions. Do they really know you? Would they scratch their head if someone asked them why they love you?Would they sacrifice anything for you? Life is too short to give your delicate heart to someone who would tore it apart. We are all gonna die one day anyway. Equally, know that not everyone we love will or should love us back. We're all different. Make sure know the person really well before you make a choice.

Love is a work. A lot of effort. It's not just a feeling. You sacrifice energy, time, emotions and other resources to reap a lasting feeling.

The rest is infatuation and will ultimately fade, and usually within a few months. Experts will tell you that love at first sight is nothing more than infatuation. You like how they look. You’re attracted to that. There’s nothing wrong with that, but looks fade. One can gain or lose weight, one can fall sick, accidents happen and, eventually, we all age and wrinkles appear.

It's said that love is a friendship set on fire. We first choose who we become friends with. And when there's a mutual effort to have a lasting connection, it can turn to be love and blessing.

Wait for someone with a heart of gold and is worthy of your time and efforts. Someone who you can be silly with, vulnerable with, cry on their shoulders when you're overwhelmed. We all need to give and receive love. Love lasts longer as it grows all the time. Love is an action, an investment.